Black and Blue
by nicholasmage
Summary: Snowman addresses Slick about her feelings, who has forgotten her.


Slick, I know you do not remember this, but once we were very close. You were an invaluable part of my life. You began as my archagent, my knight. I was your queen. For the longest time, there was utter contempt between us. The blackness of our feelings was enough to rival the very depths of space, which was matched only by the passion we enjoyed. The complete fury of our connection was unmatched. Our relationship, no matter what feelings were behind it, was clearly written in the stars. We were fated. After the initial frenzy of discovery, our relationship became one of deep respect and understanding of the other after so many centuries. I knew all of you, you knew all of me. You embraced my intensity and rivaled it with your own. You were the only person who was ever a match for me, and I know no one will ever give to me what you did. I will never again experience what we had with any other in the universe; it is an impossible feat. I did loathe you, Slick, but _how_ I loathed you was the beauty of it. I loathed you as I loathed myself. You were what I despised, reflected back at me. You were what I dreaded becoming, and thus you helped me avoid it and become the person I am today. For that, I thank you.

Do you remember when-well, you probably don't, of course, but I digress-back on Derse, when you came to my chamber that night, so many years ago? I saw the knife you wielded before you were even in the room. You were foolish at times, Slick, but there was something to be respected in how you would go against me, knowing how much I controlled of your life. I could have had you killed for even looking me in the eye, and especially for entering my innner chamber, but I chose to allow it. Noone else would I permit such acts from. I allowed you to at first to visit me and stay outside my door as we conversed, grateful for the company. That night, though, you came to me as a storm raged outside, and apparently within your mind. I was alone by choice, hiding so noone would know the price of my vanity. I was weak. I sacrificed the power of my people because of my selfish refusal to don the appearance of that Bilious Slick, that horrid creature. Not wishing to mar my appearance, like a fool, I made myself vulnerable, and therefore my kingdom. I let you in, knowing the threat you posed to all I held. Though if anyone was to bring me down, it would be you, wouldn't it? It was always you. You came into my chamber, and saw my pathetic attempt at preserving my appearance. You came toward me with the knife, and I looked you right in the eyes and told you to get on with it. I braced myself, still prepared to do what I could to keep my life, as you lunged forward...and I was met not with the cold steel of the blade, but with your mouth on mine. I will admit, at first I was offended. You had such a purpose to overtake me, to give me what I deserved, and you succumbed to the most base desire a man can have? I hated myself in that moment, Slick, and therefore hated you. You and your damned lips on my own and your cursed hands around my waist and you, what an abomination you must have been to act such a way towards me, such a pathetic excuse for a queen. Your sharp tongue and your vulgarites, you who were what I knew was inside of me which I always rejected! That night you showed the full extent of your blackness toward me, a tangible mixture of that contempt and desire. It made me wonder, what did you see in me that recalled you of your own inner demons? Besides the obvious, what else made you hate and want me so intensely? I suppose I'll never know now.

You came unto me, Slick, when you could have killed me. The next morning, I found you in my safe where my ring had been hidden. You held it in your fist, and told me to leave. I accepted exilement in exchange for my kingdom, knowing I had failed my people and had allowed the most heinous personification of all that I hated to usurp me. I wandered for a long time, dressed in the tattered remains of my regalia, when I was met with a new purpose. A new role I would be able to accept, one last chance to do the right thing. I could die easily knowing I had been the destruction of the bane of Dersite society, the Bilious Slick, that disgusting excuse for a universe. I could die with my some shred of dignity left if I was able to honor that last role. I would gladly go to my death, knowing it meant something in the end. That I meant something. You would be the only one to do it, I knew. I knew it had to be you in the end. For anyone else to kill me would be almost blasphemous. You, my equal, my agent, my knight, my lover, _mine._ You, Slick, only you. It would be fitting to be killed by which I hated and yet needed. Almost as if a part of my identity was destroying itself. And as it happened, I was able to find peace. As I fell to the ground, the world dying around me, my eyes held their last image of you. Burned into my sight, into my heart. And I died with your name on my lips and your blood in my mouth, the echo of your kiss still whispering to me. As the universe died with me, as the star went out, as the ground beneath me ruptured into the abyss, I knew the true depth of my black and blue heart. And it would always belong to you, even after my blood ceased to flow and my body was taken back by the exodus. I knew from the look in your eyes as you were thrown away from me, from the memory of your heat, from the sheer force that connected us, from the way we had come together in kismet, I knew; I knew I was your universe.


End file.
